I’m happy to announce that this Married At First Sight 2024 recap for episode 10 marks fucc week AKA my favourite of all the weeks. Yes, it’s true, I voluntarily admit myself to horny jail several times a month.
Sara is feeling embarrassed that Tim told the MAFS experts how he was, you know, feeling. Then she has the audacity to tell Tim to relax after she went off at him for telling her to relax on their honeymoon.
He tells her exactly what I just said, basically, and it turns out she was doing it to prove a point. Either that or she found a way of getting out of the contradictory move quick smart. Either way, strategic!
Anyway she kicks Tim out because Da Galz have come over for some champagne. They, like the rest of Australia, are keen to dissect what the fuck happened with Collins during the MAFS Commitment Ceremony.
Eden is stoked because Collins’ acting overrode the fact that her husband is a friend-fucker.
Over in another part of Skye Suites, Lucinda is feeling humiliated after finding out Timothy is perhaps not a slow burn but a fast flame who’s into rooting on the first night.
He tells Lucinda that he was a bit fuck-eyed at the Bucks Night when he said that and that the attraction between them can still grow.
She is being very calm, asking him questions very calmly, but he is not having a great time.
She wants to know how they’re changing things this week from last week so that they can get different results.
He asks her to be patient, and she tells him that she’s continuing to make compromises, insinuating that he is yet to do such a thing.
“It’s starting to shit me,” Timothy bites.
He pulls a Bronte Schofield and says “he’s done” while storming out.
Lucinda is quite teared up now and wants to be celebrated and enjoyed by another.
When Timothy returns feeling like a raging asshole, Lucinda steps up and takes accountability for overwhelming him like the queen she is. He then grabs a tissue which is covered in Windex because karma’s a bitch.
OK but they’re actually so cute when they get along. I’m rooting for them — THERE I SAID IT.
Meanwhile, Jack’s tits are showing.
We are also given a bit more to Tori’s seemingly non-existent storyline so far, which is that her dad’s absence in her life has had a big effect on how she sees relationships. She wants an “unconditional union” — perhaps that will be with Jack and his exposed nips?
After writing ‘leave’ last night, Natalie has had it with Collins’ shit acting and basically tells him, ‘If this isn’t acting then count me out because i can’t stand you and you drain me.’
Then she leaves like she tried to last night.
I’m just a bit confused. Like if she can leave so easily at a dinner party or during the week, then why do they metaphorically hold her down kicking and screaming at a MAFS Commitment Ceremony?
Anyway, I’m glad she got out before the thick of Intimacy Week AKA Fucc Week, because for Season 11 “genital cupping” is on the agenda. Yes, they touch each other’s bits without actually touching them — not with a “monkey grip” as Jono was first led to believe.
Dicky and Andrea do the eye-gazing task and confirm this will be a beautiful love story full of Amy Shark lyrics.
Dicky thinks he’s falling in love! So cute. I would like more older couples in future seasons, please.
Over at Lucinda and Timothy’s apartment, he’s scared of the eye-gazing task because he did it at a bar once and the chick called him a dickhead. Lol.
Anyway, they do it and Lucinda taps into her Jesse McCartney lyrics library to tell us she can see his “beautiful soul”.
Sadly the niceties die pretty quickly, with Timothy telling producers that Lucinda slept with her titties out last night.
“Maybe come to bed with a shirt on,” he tells her.
She thinks he is being rude considering he wears only undies to bed. I mean… fair?
She tells him that she would usually sleep naked and has been respectful, so if she’s wearing a shirt to bed then so’s he!
She tells him he has boobs too and now he is OFF IT. Like, I get it, but I don’t think Tim would like hearing this.
“The dude’s got a pair of boobs on his as well,” she reiterates to producers. I don’t know, it sounds more rough the more she says it — and even if she doesn’t mean it in that way, there’s every chance Tim is interpreting it in that way.
“I think self romancing is where its at at this point,” Lucinda states and after that boob comment, she might be right.
Meanwhile, Lauren thinks Jono is a robot who does not express the way he actually feels.
After hearing that, he tells Lauren that he feels “coldness” from her. She loses her shit even though I believe this is what she asked from him.
Finally, Alessandra Rampolla has turned up to bring my favourite love story (Lucinda and Timothy) back on track.
They must do the melted hug, which wigs Timothy out because he admitted that hugging wasn’t really something he did with his dad.
After embracing Lucinda, quite literally, he says the hug was “quite pleasant” and I think this guy might be coming around.
Tori, Jack and Jack’s exposed nipples are taking on the “Yes, No, Maybe” task where they share their boundaries in the bedroom.
Turns out Jack likes a golden shower which I believe to be pissing on one another. Well at least we know the man stays hydrated.
“I’m gonna change your life,” Jack tells Tori. She wants to take him to church immediately so he can repent for his sins.
Back at Lauren and Jono’s nonsensical argument, she threatens to yell (louder) as him for not having a temper… like her?
Look, none of us really know what’s happening but they say “autopilot” a good 156 times so it’s not looking great.
See you for tomorrow night’s MAFS recap — until then you can find me on Instagram dribbling more shit from this show.
