You know that meme about how if you showed 21st century humour to a Victorian-era child he would have a heart attack? Well it’s happening in real time with different cultures, as Americans online are absolutely losing their Kentucky-fried minds over the casual Australian pastime and long-honoured tradition, of goon of fortune.
To all the Aussies reading this, you know what goon of fortune is because when you were born with that knowledge inherited from your ancestors. It’s the perfect union of all elements of Australia’s unique inventions: the Hills Hoist clothesline, the goon bag, and backyard alcoholism.
And just like many other aspects of our Australian culture, E.G riding kangaroos and hiding our newborns from dingoes, those yellow-bellied Americans are shaking in their boots at the mere thought of a round of goon of fortune.
After a post on X (formerly Twitter) pointed out that the American magazine Food & Wine had shared an explanation of how to play the sacred Aussie drinking game, it has US netizens stumped as to how we find it fun.
The magazine photo featured a picture of a goon bag secured safely on its throne (a washing line) wearing its crown (nine washing pegs), and featured a description of how to play the game.
“The bag inside of a boxed wine, which Australians refer to as a “goon”, plays the starring role in this game, alongside a Hill Hoist, a heigh-adjustable, four-pronged clothesline that can spin in a circle,” read Food & Wine‘s how-to guide.
“The rules are simple: Attach a wine bag to one of the prongs of the clothesline. A large group of people (ideally eight to 12) stands in a circle around the Hills Hoist. Someone spins the Hills Hoist, and whoever is closest to the goon once it stops moving must take a drink directly from its spout.”
The magazine also outlined one of the best features of goon of fortune that sets it apart from other drinking games: there are no winners or losers.
Chat is this real or is Food & Wine pranking me 💀 This sounds literally unbelievable pic.twitter.com/XJpBGtptsh
— Detty (@0ddette) May 1, 2024
The post was viewed more than half a million times, and has hundreds of comments from Americans who are concerned for our Aussie livers. Which is ADORABLE, because any Aussie will tell you that we do this as soon as we can walk, if not before.
In the comments of the post Americans couldn’t believe that Australians would actually take part in the game.
“It seems like it would give you one of the worst hangovers in the world!!!” one person commented.
“Pure sugar hangover and dizzy on top of it!”
Other Americans tried to defend themselves by saying they played some version of this game called Slap the Bag’. However after a quick google, it is clear these games are hardly comparable.
‘Slap the Bag’ consists of drinking from a goon bag, and then slapping it when you are done.
Bland, boring, blasé. Leave it to the Americans to come up with a game like that.
On the other hand, goon of fortune is a proper game that involves strategy, endurance, and a little bit of luck. It’s classy, competitive, and complex. Another win for Australia.
The yanks wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised us https://t.co/Ak8xD7ZfFz
— Batshit Moments in Australia (@batshit_auspol) May 2, 2024
Simply put, the strongest American could not beat the weakest Australian at a game of goon of fortune. And I will not elaborate or give you any sources, because we all know this is true in our hearts.
As a concluding thought, I sure am glad that the word “goon” has not adopted any other meaning, and remains a pure and wholesome reputation. (Do not google to confirm this.)
