If you're single in 2017 and not on Tinder, are you even desperate?

Answer: probably not. To aid and abet your dating efforts after yet another holiday season explaining to your mother that grandchildren are still "a fair way off", Tinder has teamed up with Cosmopolitan UK to show you how to swipe better.

In other words, it's found the top 13 most popular people on Tinder in the UK, and published their stories so that YOU, the sad fuck eating chippies at home, can learn from them.

As one of those sad fucks myself, I carefully studied the 13 profiles, and I'm proud to say I've identified three things all of us can do to make our Tinder experience more satisfying.

The first is to post photos of yourself smiling (with your teeth showing!!) to appear approachable. The second is to cultivate a bio that portrays your authentic, down-to-earth self. And the third is to be hot. Like, really hot. The kind of hot that makes people unsure if they want to be you or be with you. This is the most important step.

Take Cressida, the #3 most popular person, for example. The 23-year-old fashion marketer says she thinks quite hard about the photos she puts on her profile, and is also what the kids would call 'a regulation hottie'.


Or take Stefan the #1 most popular person for whom being hot is practically part of his job description (the 26-year-old is a model and TV presenter). He says he once took a Tinder date out to dinner while on a boys' trip to Marbella, and I can absolutely believe it.


Then there's Rich, who comes in at #8. The 28-year-old singer/songwriter says girls often tell him he looks like Gerard Butler, and – shockingly – it gets his attention every single time.


And last we have Holly, #10 on this list. The 21-year-old film student and model says Tinder bio consists of nothing more than her Instagram handle and a dolphin emoji. She says the dolphin emoji speaks for itself.


The full 13 hotties listed by Cosmo as *the* most lusted after people on Tinder enjoy a fairly even male / female ratio, but you know what else they enjoy? Cheekbones. Specifically, having them.

Get around the full article here.

Photo: Cosmopolitan UK / Antonio Petronzio.