Here's a story that I never thought I would have to write.

In Memphis this week, a vegan café went nuclear on its now-deleted Facebook and Twitter accounts, because a customer left a poor review on its Yelp page.

The main reason for this complaint? A baby belonging to one of the staff got up on the table in front of the reviewer, and bent over to proudly show off her bumhole.

Yep. No word of a lie.

Luckily, the Internet is very good at taking screenshots, and you can check out some of the plant-based fury that was shot back at the reviewer below.

The complaint was put in by Chelsea Bartley, who was unfortunately confronted with the brown-eye of the year.

"During my visit, a bare butt naked baby was running around, stood up on my table with its black feet, and bent over to show me its butthole" Chelsea wrote, along with a two-star review.

"An older kid came over and started like yodelling and staring at me during my meal. It was SO uncomfortable."

(Image: Twitter / @curtofranklin)

Yeah, happy fuckin' Friday, here's a tiny bébé's butt in your face while you try and eat your dinner.

The most astounding thing is how wildly set in their beliefs the owners of Imagine Cafe are. They're fighting tooth and nail for their rudie nudie bab to run around the shop (which I am sure is full of dangerous kitchen-y things like, oh, I dunno, KNIVES) and they're not budging. 

"I am about to start calling out names and pictures of people who leave us bad reviews, especially when it deal with our children," the owner of Imagine Café wrote in response on Facebook.

"Haters are not welcome at Imagine!!!!"

They'd rather name and shame people who are calling them out on their clear breaches of OH&S rules than wrangle their children. You do you, I guess.

The whole schamozzle has been dubbed #Buttholegate online, which to me, is very funny. 

But wait, it gets even wilder.

As the resident Butt Controversy Correspondent here at PEDESTRIAN.TV, I am well aware that a couple of cheeks can cause a bit of outrage, but letting your tiny human run around completely starkers, giving the brown-eye to customers, and pooping on the goddamn floor is something entirely next level. Jesus Christ.

At this point I am mostly extremely worried/embarrassed for the poor little tyke who is going to grow up known purely as the 'Butthole Baby'. 

You thought your 18th birthday was bad, jeez.

Source: Eater.
Photo: Cartoon Network.