If two dimensions don't satisfy your masturbatory needs (no judgment oh blind one) Penthouse have today launched the world's first 3D porn channel in Europe - the world's number one test market for advanced masturbation. Dubbed Penthouse 3D, the station boasts 30 hours of new footage monthly broadcasting full 3D content in high definition with programming that includes both soft core and hard core feeds. But who cares about the spatial depth of gargantuan breasts and penises - you want that extra dimension for narrative reasons, right? Riiiggghhhtttt...

"We are very excited about the launch of the Penthouse 3D channel," said Marc Bell, CEO of Penthouse's parent company FriendFinder Networks. "Our goal is always to deliver the latest technology on the world's best platform."

Jacky Wauters, Head of NOA Productions, Penthouse channels' European distribution partner concurred, "Thanks to the increasing consumer acceptance of 3D, I am delighted to work with Penthouse to be able to satisfy the needs of the consumers and broadcasters alike who demand high quality, cutting edge entertainment backed by a solid and well established brand like Penthouse."

Sure, the experience is probably more immersive and that's cool but anything that requires special masturbation goggles counts as a backwards step in human civilization. Can you imagine the self-loathing afterwards? Sheesh. Also, excessive exposure might actually cause blindness?